So today was my last day working at the convenience store where I have worked the past two summers. Now, I know what you are going to ask. What store? I'm not going to tell you because if I do, I might be fired or sued or something like that. They can find me. I know they can. So the store will remain anonymous. But I will say that I live in the Philadelphia area and these stores are popular on the East Coast. So there. Guess away.
Anywho, it was my last day before I left for college. And, as it happens almost everyday, the customers fucking pissed me off.
As I had a line of seven people deep, I had one guy (a regular who tends to come in and talks to me for at least five minutes every time he comes in about things I don't care about) come in and start yacking my ear off about how he is dating his daughter's best friend. He goes on to explain how they hit things off: "Well, my daughter left us alone the one night and we got to talking. So I took her out for dinner and then when I was driving her home, I pulled into a motel, you know, as a joke, and she was all for it. I was shocked! But I said what the hell, and now we've been dating for five months." Needless to say, I had no retort or response. I just kind of looked at him, thinking, why the fuck is this guy telling me this? At 7:30 in the morning? I am not awake enough to hear this shit. Luckily, he got the hint that I was busy, and he wished me luck at college and left.
Later, I had another customer come in and do my very least favorite thing a customer can do. He wanted to give me exact change. Now, we have regulars at this store who know their change. They come in every day and get the same thing so they know exactly how much it costs, down to the penny. 12 ounce coffee? $1.22. Doughnut? $.85. 12 ounce coffee and a doughnut? $2.07. I love these people. They don't waste my time. (Except when they think that because they are regulars and know their prices, they can just hold up their coffee, put the money on the counter and walk away while I am ringing up another person. Not cool. I end up looking down at the money and having to work backwards to figure out what the hell they bought.) I do not love when people sit there and dig around for their change and then place each coin on the counter even as I hold my hand out, ready to accept their money, as five people wait in line for me to ring them up. This guy did the ultimate worst thing in exact change deliverance, though. He emptied his change purse into his hand and then held all the coins out to me. "Take what you need," he said. Um, what? Do I look like your mother? Did you not make it past the third grade and thus cannot count out coins? I rolled my eyes and picked out the $.31 that he wanted me to take and bid him adieu.
In between these two awesome customers, I had people on cell phones all day coming up to pay for their purchases. This really irks me. You wouldn't do this in a meeting. You wouldn't do this at the mall. You wouldn't even do this at McDonald's. (Although, maybe at the drive-thru because everyone knows that you do it while you are driving.) Don't do it here. It is rude and obnoxious and I will not treat you with any respect since you are showing me none. I will pretend not to hear you. I will not ask if you want a bag. (Or maybe I will, so loudly that your girlfriend on the other end can hear me and you will have to explain to her who that girl's voice is when you just told her that you were in your car alone. Good luck getting out of that one.) Please, don't pick up your phone when you are about to pay. Do put your phone down when you are trying to talk to me or pay me.
And my final complaint of the day is about $100 bills. I understand that sometimes you have nothing smaller in your wallet. (No, I don't but I pretend to.) But if you don't have anything smaller then please, find some more items to buy because buying a $.99 Tastey Cake Pie with $100 bill is fucking obnoxious. I don't mind you using one when you are buying $80 or $60 or even $50 dollars worth of stuff. (At a convenience store? you are thinking. Answer: Cigarettes. Gasoline. Sometimes gift cards. And sometimes a combination of all three plus a sandwich.) But then, if you do insist on buying a pie with your $100 bill, do not give me that "you've got to kidding me" look when I start counting out my fives. Because that's what you are going to get. You honestly think that we sit there with a load of twenties in our drawers, waiting for you to come in with your $100 bill? No. That would be like asking someone to come rob us.
Oh, and my final final thing, because what I just said about gas reminded me of something. When at a gas pump, anywhere in the country, you are required by law to stay by your pump. So do not come crying to me when you leave it latched and pumping while you come in for Doritos and a Coke and suddenly there is gas all over your brand new paint job because the pump didn't stop. Don't leave your freaking car.
Maybe it's a good thing for both of us that I had my last day today. However, I will see you at Christmas!
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